Sometimes, in the middle of something, I suddenly ask myself
What am I doing?
A question as simple as this can follow with several other questions, each as equally heavy as the last. Each serving as a reality check. Each asking if intentions are right.
Everyday I face this question, in addition to other questions that are equally as revealing.
What do I wake up to?
What do I wake up for?
What do I look forward to?
What is there after today?
What the hell am I supposed to do?
What am I supposed to feel at this moment?
Is there anything I can do?
To all these questions, I can only answer with “I don’t know.” But the problem is, do I really not know?
I don’t even know what I’m supposed to do anymore.
I can’t even cry even if I want to.
Each piece of baggage as emotional as the last.
One day when I come back, I will regret a number of these entries.
That is, if I’m still here by then.