In hindsight

I write this piece, with Guanyin looking forward, still on the desktop for accompaniment.

Looking at a friend’s chat logs dated 2013 September 23. More or less nineteen months have passed since that day. A lot has changed since then.

Let’s call her M.

2013 September 23.
Specifics to what happened on that day is a vague memory. Reading the transcript again helped relocate some actions point-in-time, at least. I do remember having to leave the house at one point to drive brother somewhere in the city to fix some papers, while trying to stay online using the phone.

That day marked a big decision of her life. The question was, to literally stay or leave her tita’s house for good.

She left.
Without getting into too much detail, M couldn’t take all that verbal abuse anymore, adding to her tita’s attempt to interfere with her education.
M made up her mind and left, with a choice to live with her mother instead (a case of separated parents).

It was an involved process. Tita snatched her phone the night before, knowing M was trying to leave. That phone was her lifeline to mama. The other option was to have a third party bridge M with her mama.

M pinged me on Skype.
She was asking for help on how to locate her missing phone. After going through some options, we realized none would work. I proposed to contact mama.

We did manage to contact mama and coordinate. It was novel in a way where we used Skype to bridge M to a GSM call with mama. I put the cellphone on loudspeaker and placed it near the laptop speakers. Fortunately, the cellphone was loud enough for the built-in microphone on the laptop to pick up. Crude, but it worked. Second time was on the same occasion, but it was a cellphone-to-cellphone exercise. There was some difficulty with words because of bad mobile data and else, but it also served its purpose.

She was asking a few times if moving out from tita and moving in with mama was The Right Thing.
Based on her story, it looked like it was, and it was the better thing to do at the moment. That was all the advice I could offer. “Wait and see” isn’t too comforting in this situation. Reward outweighed risk. This was literally a decision for her future, and it was in her hands. Empowering, yes, but it didn’t seem like it at that time.

All these were not without strings.
In exchange, She had to shift majors into something along the lines of business and management. I don’t know how, why, and motives behind, but it was a condition. And it was a condition M accepted with faithful resignation.

Skip to around a month or two ago, she left to the Land Down Under. Not a permanent leave, just a two year stint to finish her degree there. As with migrations, I can’t be sure if she will really come back after two years. Some end up staying for good. We’ll never know until then. I don’t know what to feel with either.

We’ve (started to) drift apart…or felt like it.

My fault.

Let’s call it hiya for some silly reason, but it was, on my part.

Would she mind if I sent a message?

If it makes anything lighter, there was no fight, no argument, no fallout. Only time and space, general busyness, leaving her to her own thing. We never got to see each other frequently, even when she was still here in the country. She seems to be holding up well, based on her posts, and I can wish her nothing more.

feeling ko naman sasaya ako dito
lahat ng bagay nangyayari dahil may rason

Sana, sana.
Hindi ko alam kung masasagot na natin kung tama ba ang ginawa mo, pero mukhang may nangyaring mabuti naman. Pero sana mabuti nga iyan.

Carefully twist your words.

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