Tag Archives: reflection

A confused state of affairs


It’s not fun having your own little world. Specially when this lttle world of yours pops out on its own without warning, you tend to get sucked in and it’s hard to get out of it. Weird thing it is. You have so much loathing and hate and so much regret and yet you still cling on for hope. A hope you do not know from where it is coming from, but know of it being there.

That feeling of giving up and at the same time not wanting to.

Ah, feelings of conflict.

Picure processed with Darktable. Effect is made with an abuse of curves (chroma scaling on) and generous use of local contrast.


In hindsight

I write this piece, with Guanyin looking forward, still on the desktop for accompaniment.

Looking at a friend’s chat logs dated 2013 September 23. More or less nineteen months have passed since that day. A lot has changed since then.

Let’s call her M.
Continue reading In hindsight

Full Circle

It’s been two years. Two years since I first stepped in as a student in (rival) university1, two and a half years since I filled out my application form and sat in the entrance exam for said university, three years since I took the national occupational interest assessment exam.

Looking back, all these came in as a suprise. The occupational interest assessment exam returned unexpected results. I passed the university’s entrance exam, said to be one of the more difficult, if not, the most difficult college entrance exam. I enrolled in this university, taking on a major that was very far from my specialty but within my interests. And that I feel that I’m happier in this school.

I’ll start with the first: occupational interest assessment exam and the aptitude classification test.

This is a standardized exam with a norm group consisting of third year high school students. The exam’s objective is to assess a student’s interest (interest assessment) and aptitude (aptitude classification) in a particular career field such as social sciences or humanities. This is done to help determine (but not absolutely) a student’s interest and ability to succeed in a particular field.

What’s so particular in my case?

It gave me results I did not expect at all., and that the two results were complementary. It was saying, for example, that I’m not interested at all in fields of mathematics, physical sciences, and technology yet the aptitude classification test said that I’d do well with something related to engineering. Three years ago, when I took this exam, I had no plans to be in any field of Socal Sciences at all. Today, I actually enjoyed writing a paper for my Introduction to Sociology and Anthropology course. I’m also enjoying our lessons in the same course a lot—to a point that I’m actually considering a minor.

Considering my major (no, not going to mention it yet), also in the field of Social Sciences, I had no plans at all to actually be in this major. The moment I chose this major, I threw away all my plans in mind for the future: be a SysAd, break a few networks, and code. Instead, I chose something that I only found out to exist when I was filling out the application form. It was something that I felt I truly loved.

When I was rummaging through my archive of school papers last year, I came across the results of the occupational interest assessment exam and aptitude classification test and had a realization: it was true. The results were true. I took a major in the field of Social Sciences and contemplating to follow an academic career. I don’t know if it’s fate or that the exam was just that scarily accurate, but nevertheless, it came true.

Passing the university’s entrance exam and taking on a major unrelated to my specialty but within field of interest

This one caught me by suprise. I never expected to pass this entrance exam at all taking into account that I didn’t finish the mathematics segment. To be honest, the only reason why I enrolled in to this particular university was because of that very same major that I found out to exist. Barring that, I’m not supposed to be here, or so I thought

Then sophomore year came. I realized how and why people would kill just to be able to study here. The curriculum is a lot more integrated than it first appears to be, and that these courses force you to think critically. This is also the time when I found out (a few weeks ago as of posting) where I might want to be in the future. This is where I truly learned to appreciate studying.

I guess a lot can happen in a span of three short years.